So Why Am I Absent? By Ms. Van Horn

Dear Globies,

First, I should start this letter by apologizing for not letting you know before break that I would not be returning with you. I didn't want to leave on a somber note. Regardless of any problems we may endure at times, we all truly have so much to be thankful for in our lives.

Despite an ailing body, having incredible students like you has always pushed me even harder to "strive for excellence" in my work. It's also easy to be a workaholic when I truly love my job, and where I am able to live the motto "think globally, act locally" on a daily basis.  You see, it is very difficult for me to admit that I am unable to fulfill all of my work responsibilities to the high standard I hold for myself.  Now I am rambling a bit, avoiding the personal details I typically keep private, but I know many of you are curious as to what is wrong with me, so here we go.

Aching body, it's not in my head
But what is the cause, I plead
Chronic pain, sleepless nights
Doctors, I've consulted a few
Estrogen is low, thyroid is off
Fibromyalgia, it just won't go away
Gave up sugar, bread, and dairy
How come this hasn't fixed me?
Ignore it and get on with the day
Just suck it up, it will be okay
Karma, why am I punished this way?
Legs like lead, ice in my veins
Maybe I'm just cursed in my bones
Need a remedy, a potion, a cure
Outer appearance, hold head high
Privately I wince, try not to cry
Questions unanswered, even unheard
Repeated for too many lost years
Surgery, I thought was the fix
Ten years, I still feel the pricks
Under the covers, can't get warm
Vitality fades, fades, fades
Wearied, I can't work this way
Xanax, Vicodin, no thank you
Yoga it helps keep me sane
Zen, can you overpower the pain?


To summarize, for  over ten years I have had rather signifiant chronic health problems. The 2005-2006 school year was the last time and only time I actually missed work for these ailments, due to a few surgeries. During the 2007-2008 school year, I rarely slept, lost a ton of hair, and rapidly shed over 15 pounds, leaving me anorexic and malnourished, despite a voracious appetite. I put weight back on for about a year or so, but then in 2009-2010 the unexplained weight loss happened again. The lasting symptoms I have experienced over this period include severe pain in my joints and bones, digestive problems, and horrible insomnia. 

After an active, but rejuvenating summer, I started this school year feeling pretty well, even sleeping better than I had in a long time. But then, by mid-September, many problems returned. I immediately tried acupuncture--why not? I hadn't tried it yet-- and weekly massage, but to no avail. After a week where I had four nights in a row without sleep, and I mean no sleep, and then another week where my legs hurt so intensely that I had to teach sitting down during fourth hour, I realized that I just couldn't keep teaching in this condition. Besides, I really don't want to lose a bunch of weight again-- I already got rid of all of my super skinny clothes!

Before break I gutted it out for a few weeks so I could wrap up my favorite sophomore unit about witches, support the freshmen in their Cultural Event Speeches, and get the blog set-up for our classes. I actually requested to have the time off placed between the breaks so I would have enough time to get treated yet miss fewer school days. It is my goal to be healed and strong enough to return to you all in the new year. After all, a new year, a new beginning!

Thank you to those of you who took the time to read this rather long post. I hope my willingness to share openly encourages you to be comfortable with your fellow Globies expressing your honest, personal thoughts on our blog. With that said, I also ask that you keep my blog post private among our Globie authors here, just as I promise to do for you.

I look forward to staying connected with you all here online in the coming weeks. Don't worry, my future posts shouldn't be such a downer ;)

Fondly,

Ms. Van Horn